The crux of your writing while sounding reasonable originally, did not sit perfectly with me after some time. Someplace within the paragraphs you were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a short while. I however have a problem with your jumps in assumptions and you would do nicely to fill in all those gaps. When you can accomplish that, I would undoubtedly end up being fascinated.
The crux of your writing while sounding reasonable originally, did not sit perfectly with me after some time. Someplace within the paragraphs you were able to make me a believer unfortunately only for a short while. I however have a problem with your jumps in assumptions and you would do nicely to fill in all those gaps. When you can accomplish that, I would undoubtedly end up being fascinated.